dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
