All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Damn victory sex feels great
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
