he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
