i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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