I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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