That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
