you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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