Already got asked if we're dating
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
How external is "for external use only"?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
