He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
