When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
