then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
