I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
