I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
