i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
