If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
