Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
