ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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