dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
