Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Hippo gnu deer
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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