I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
