somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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