so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
