i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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