Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Randomize
