erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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