You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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