I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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