grandma shit on top of the toilet
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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