All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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