My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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