I wanna passion pit in your ass
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
