i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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