I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
