walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
