Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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