He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
