god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
