**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
