I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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