this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
