do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
