There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
