I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
