Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
