she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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