Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
