Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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