On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Pants are for mortals
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
