I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
God gave him joint rollers for hands
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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