I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I AM VODKA MAN
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
