I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
