I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
